Why is it when we look into our past it’s very easy to remember negative experiences, even when we know there were positive ones? In our closest relationships, why do we fixate on the negative aspects of their personality? Ever found yourself looking on WebMD for what your symptoms mean? There is a reason and it’s not because you’re a pessimistic or negative person. It’s called the negativity bias, that is, your brain reacts to and remembers the bad more easily than it does the good. This bias is our tendency to focus on, learn from, and use negative information much more often than positive information. It evolved as a survival mechanism, to help us be aware of all the dangers in our surroundings. In today’s environment of relative comfort, it can be an obstacle to inner peace.
Now add this bias on top of experiences of trauma or deep wounds and you can guess what your brain is going to fixate on. It’s going to have stored in your memory a detailed account of the event which it will replay. This is your brain’s way of trying to protect you, so that you don’t get hurt again. We tend to see the world through this lens of negativity. Always scanning our environment for threats, seeing the worst in others, focusing on what’s wrong with the world rather than what’s right or good. This is not your fault, it’s your brains natural functioning. However, you can manage this negative trajectory.
To maintain happiness in our lives it’s a little like swimming upstream, it takes effort. The brain is meant to help us survive but not thrive. We need to take an approach of appreciation, thanking these thoughts for keeping us safe. If we get frustrated and angry for having these thoughts, it’s only adding insult to injury. As these negative thoughts come up we can change our story or reframe them. For example, if you’re trying to lose weight and you have the thought “I’ll never lose weight”, you can reframe the thought to “I haven’t lost weight yet, but I can.” Or “I’m always tired and fatigued” to “Every day I wake feeling a little more refreshed.” Rephrase these thoughts to not be so negative, to leave space for improvement, for the good that could exist. This is not wishful thinking; if you open the door to new possibilities you can start to be aware of ways to make it happen. If you believe you will always be the way you are you won’t even try or look for the possibilities.
But these negative thoughts that I have about the world around me or other people are true, I hear you say. That may be, but if you aren’t taking action, they are only making you anxious, irritable, or depressed and not changing anything. Choose thoughts that make you feel good, because it is equally true that there are lots of things you could find right or good in the world. Notice the beauty of the sunrise or sunset, the birds singing, someone holding a door for you, a compliment you received, or the joy of your dog upon your return home. Focusing on the good throughout the day helps counteract this negativity bias. Neuroscience tells us that we have to hold onto or really notice these good experiences for 20-30 seconds if we want them to be stored in our memory. In this way the good things that happen all around us start to get hard-wired into our brain so that we remember and notice even more good. I challenge you today to choose a better feeling thought. What will you see differently?