Had you asked me 5 or 6 years ago if I thought I would be starting my own business, I would have said no. The thoughts would have been: I won't have the energy or courage to make the decision to quit my full-time job, let alone be healthy enough to tackle such a demanding task. So, what changed? I started to live more deliberately; taking full responsibility for my life, following my set of values, and determining what I wanted in life. Looking back, I spent more time planning my vacations than I did on planning my life. Too often when reviewing our lives, we discover that we have been living according to the values of our culture, parents, spouse or others.
What does living a more deliberate life mean?
Living deliberately means creating the life you want based on your core beliefs and values. You become the architect of your life, designing it rather than reacting to what life throws at you. For example, you can start by orienting your day around activities that are important to you like:
spending time in nature because you value the sense of calm it gives you
making sure to prioritize your favorite self-care activities
setting aside time to read a book because learning and growth are important to you
Living more deliberately not only provides more meaning and fulfillment in your life, but it also provides mental health benefits.
Knowing the general direction you're going in life can lower stress because you're no longer questioning every decision you make. Imagine you're going on vacation, but you haven't set a destination. At every intersection you have to make a decision on which way to go. However, if you have a destination, you can sit back and enjoy the ride.
Research also points to the benefits of living more deliberately.
For example, in this 2021 study, participants wrote about their levels of distress, well-being, and value based actions for 21 days. The results showed that taking daily value based actions were associated with lower daily distress and greater daily well-being.
Tips for living deliberately
There are many ways to live more deliberately, there are no right or wrong answers. It is all according to what resonates with you, what gives meaning and purpose to your life.
The tips below are what helped me find more direction and purpose in my life.
Start with a vision
It helps to start by knowing where you're going. Even if you don't know what your purpose is in life, it's useful to start to take inventory of what brings you joy.
Take some time and answer the questions below. Don't respond from your current circumstances, create your vision from an ideal world perspective. In this exercise you're unconstrained by time, money, health, etc. You just never know how your life might change.
What does your ideal life look like in 5, 10, or 15 years from now?
What inspires you?
What gives your life meaning?
What puts you in the flow?
Who do you want to be?
Taking your power back
Did I mention living deliberately is not always easy? Well the truth is, it's not. In order to live more authentically and aligned with your true self, you need to set boundaries.
This involves being more assertive and perhaps even upsetting people in your life. It may be that we haven't been clear with ourselves or with others on what we need. Setting a boundary can be as small as saying no when you don't want to commit to going to an event. Or a boundary can be as big as telling someone you can no longer be friends because you find the relationship to be toxic.
Another aspect of regaining your power is taking full responsibility for your life. We all have the tendency to blame others for our issues. It's easier to blame others than make changes for ourselves.
If others have to change to make you feel better, then your happiness is dependent on them. You've given them your power; they have to act or be a certain way in order for you to be okay. Instead, you could take action.
For example, your boss is mean and stresses you out on a daily basis. You might spend a lot of energy talking about how awful your boss is to friends and family. Taking your power back would look like: telling HR of the toxic work environment, asking to move to a different department, or quitting and getting a new job.
Where do you need to set boundaries and/or take more responsibility for your life?
Identify your values
Discovering your values helps you define what a meaningful life looks like. Again, there is no right or wrong answer. In our fast-paced world it is easy to feel disconnected from our values. Take some time to reflect on the beliefs and qualities that are most important to you. Then check out this core values list . As James Clear mentions, pick out only a small subset of values, otherwise nothing is a priority. Do this by identifying the ones that resonate most with you. Keep these values in mind as you go about your day to day activities. You may find out that what you thought were your highest values are actually low on your list. Your decisions and actions will help tell the story, and perhaps you may want to make small shifts in order to align with your values.
To recap: Living deliberately
Become the architect of your life; design the life you would love to live. No one else is going to do this for you and you only get one shot at this life. Go live it according to your values!
It's common for resistance to show up when making even small changes. If you'd like support on your journey to living more deliberately, set up a discovery call with me today, 740-206-9113.
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